


Her Darkest Secret

by Jacklyn_Flynn



Series: Preia x Iron Bull [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Confessions, F/M, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Large Cock, Penis In Vagina Sex, Porn With Plot, Romantic Fluff, Sweet The Iron Bull (Dragon Age), Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-12 09:29:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19226368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacklyn_Flynn/pseuds/Jacklyn_Flynn
Summary: While on a mission to gain the alliance of a Fereldan noble, part of Preia's past comes up that she would rather stay hidden. Because it could hurt the Inquisition, she confesses her secret to Bull, Dorian and Cassandra, the three people she's closest to.Trigger warning: loss (but not death) of a child





	1. The Revelation

**Author's Note:**

> Just as a warning, this is pretty dark and deep. Additionally, I wanted to explore Bull a little more and see what he was like with something he might not be comfortable with. I hope I stay true to the character despite the experimentation. Please let me know what you think! I promise the next story with these two will be back to the usual!
> 
> Eventual smut to follow!

Preia and her companions walked down the plush red rug laid out for them, through the main hall of the keep of Lord Baylin. He had promised assistance to the Inquisition, but wanted to speak to the Inquisitor herself to make sure his funds and troops wouldn’t be misused. So, here she was on another useless political errand when there were fourteen other fires that needed to be put out. 

Bull walked beside her on the right, Dorian and Cassandra on her left. They didn’t walk a step behind, as Josephine had advised was proper procedure. These people were her family and they were all equal. If they were good enough to die by her side, they were good enough to walk by it as well. 

Lord Baylin was nowhere to be found, but three women were on the dias waiting for them. One was an older woman, regally dressed and obviously held herself in high regard judging by the way that she held her nose up. She stood beside a woman that was clearly a servant, judging by her simple, black cotton dress. 

Another, younger woman, sat in a delicately carved wooden chair which sat next to another of the same style, only larger and quite empty. Preia guessed that this was Lord Baylin’s wife, Tamline. She was quite pretty and not as young as Preia first guessed. There was a bundle in her arms. If the smiles and faces she made at the bundle were any indication, it contained a baby. 

“Lady Preia Trevelyan!” The older woman exclaimed with a flourish of hand gestures. “My goodness, I haven’t heard that family name spoken of so much for...oh...15 years now?”

Preia visibly stiffened. “Inquisitor will be just fine.” She bit out. Her tone made Bull glance over. Preia was normally quite jaded and pessimistic, but she didn’t usually start out hating someone until they’d proved they deserved it. 

“Lord Baylin will want to know about the woman he’s aligning himself with. He’s too young to have paid it any attention, but I feel like it’s my duty to inform him. Mari, please take the baby and leave.” 

“No.” The young woman spoke up. “If it doesn’t bother the Inquisitor I would like to keep him with me for the duration of our meeting?” 

Preia was about to open her mouth when the older woman spoke. “I apologize, she is young and hasn’t learned where a child’s place is among adults yet. She spun on her heel and pointed at the servant. “Mari. Take the baby. Now!” She hissed under her breath.

The servant, Mari, looked stricken. Preia wasn’t sure how this woman was positioned in the family, but it was high enough to make this young girl second guess the chain of command. She made a split second decision and took a step toward Tamline. 

“No!” Preia barked out, taking a step forward. It startled everyone in the room. Every eye in the hall shot to her. Her jaw was clenched and her hands were in tight fists. She was shaking ever so slightly. “Don’t you dare. She said she wants to keep her child, so she keeps him.” Her voice was cold, daring the older woman to argue. “Who are you, exactly?” 

“I am Lady Evalin Baylin.” She sniffed. “I am the lord’s mother.” 

“So, not the Lady Baylin of _this _house.” It was more of a statement than a question.__

__“No.” The older woman ceded after a moment. She knew where this was going and she didn’t like it. She clearly hadn’t figured in the power this woman now had. Well beyond her family name._ _

__“Then you may leave. I’m here to deal in matters concerning this estate. If Lord Baylin is not available then I will speak with his wife.”_ _

__Evalin opened her mouth and then closed it. A moment passed and it opened again._ _

__“You look like a fish, darling. Do close your mouth unless you intend to use it.” Dorian quipped. Bull snorted at that and they shot each other a look._ _

__Evalin opened her mouth yet again, but when nothing would come out she pursed her lips. Finally; “I'm going to tell him all about your disgrace. To think someone of your morals became the Herald of Andraste. It’s shameful.” She said the title with clear disdain._ _

__“It speaks!” Dorian cried, throwing up his hands. “My dear, while she may have enough for all four of us, this sweet Seeker,” He waved a hand at Cassandra. “Is the _only _one of us that has _any _morals whatsoever.”_____ _

______“Besides,” Tamline spoke up. “My opinion is the one Deacon will ask for. Thus far, I’ve found the Inquisitor to be a champion of the people, no matter their status.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Lord Baylin,” She said in a patronizing tone. “Will decide when he returns.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Lady Baylin,” Tamline said in an equally patronizing tone. Clearly, she didn’t care for the formalities either. “I have run this keep for years when Deacon is away for weeks, or even months, at a time. He has trusted me in household matters for a long time. If he doesn’t return in time, I will make the decision and he will support me on it completely.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I have never been more outraged in my life.” Evalin said in a low voice, absolutely horrified of her situation. She strode to a side door purposefully._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m outraged that your dressmaker thought that Orlesian fall colors would be appropriate in the summer!” Dorian called after her, chin raised._ _ _ _ _ _

______She shoved open a door and slammed it behind her. The sound echoed into the cavernous roof of the great hall. Cassandra made a disgusted noise deep in her throat. “What a terrible woman.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Inquisitor,” Tamline stood and walked toward her, smiling. “I appreciate your help. I haven’t been able to get the prickly b-” She cut herself off. “Well, you know. I haven’t been able to get her to give me a moment's peace since Arthos was born.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Preia will be just fine.” She said with a smile. Bull still watched her carefully. There was a coldness to her eyes. A sudden distance she was trying hard to keep anyone from noticing. “May I hold him?” Preia asked, surprising her companions._ _ _ _ _ _

______While she didn’t actively seem to hate children, per se, she did seem to actively avoid them whenever possible. She was nice enough to them when she had to be, but had never sought one out before._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Of course!” Tamline gushed, adjusting her arms to help move the child into Preia’s. “I just think he’s perfect and I love to show him off.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Preia looked down at the child, pulling the blankets away from his face. He was sleeping soundly. He had very little hair, but most of it seemed to be growing from a small patch toward the front of his head, curling together. His skin was like ivory and smooth when she ran her finger down his fat little cheek. He was quite beautiful._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I know he shouldn’t be here, it’s not proper…” She continued on, smiling down at her child. “But, I just can’t bear to be parted from him. It’s only been three weeks.” She waved a hand dismissively. “I’m sorry, that’s not what you’re here for. My husband should be back this evening. His ship was delayed. Until then I am more than happy to address any questions or concerns.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Preia was still looking down at the child, seemingly lost in thought. Bull and Dorian exchanged worried glances. Both had picked up that something wasn’t quite right. That hadn’t just been two powerful women posturing. Now their Inquisitor was acting out of character._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m sure you are.” Preia murmured just a moment before the silence would have become truly awkward. “I-I’m not feeling well all of the sudden. It’s been a long journey here. Could I bother you to house us for the night? We can discuss matters this evening over dinner. I just-I need to lay down.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I would be happy to have you and your companions stay! For as long as you need.” Preia handed back the child, finally tearing her eyes away from him. “I hope this isn’t because of my mother-in-law? Please don’t let her bother you. She has no power over Deacon. I don’t know what she was talking about but it won’t figure into negotiations at all.” She assured Preia._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No, it isn’t that at all. I had last watch last night so I have been up for a while. It’s hard to talk politics when you’re falling asleep.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The young mother smiled knowingly. “I can’t argue with that. Please, come this way and I’ll show you to your rooms.” She smiled brightly and headed toward a side hallway, Mari falling into step behind her._ _ _ _ _ _

______Preia followed with Cassandra who glanced over at her, but didn’t say anything. Bull and Dorian stayed a few steps behind._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Did you-” Bull started._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Mmmhmm.” Dorian nodded._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Well, shit. What do we do about it?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“One of us obviously needs to talk to her. Something happened in there and it was very intense for her.” Dorian observed. “She’s fairly bubbling under her skin.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______While Bull and Preia had a blossoming sexual relationship based on mutual satisfaction and stress relief, she was very close to Dorian. Bull was a quick learner though. His training let him see more than most people might, best friend or not._ _ _ _ _ _

______The four of them traveled everywhere together. Fought and bled together. They were thick as thieves. While Cassandra hadn’t fully grasped the tension radiating from their leader, the mage and the spy certainly did._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It should be you.” Dorian said with finality._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Really?” Bull asked, genuinely surprised._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Clearly, this is something she holds close to the heart. The woman tells me everything.” He glanced down at Bull’s crotch lewdly and winked. “And I mean _everything _.” He cleared his throat. “But, she hasn’t told me this. Which means it’s a deep, dark secret she probably means to take to her grave. Whatever it was, was bad enough to tarnish the family name enough that a proper noble woman would dare acknowledge something that can’t be spoken of politely.”___ _ _ _ _ _

________“And you think she’ll tell her fuck buddy?” Bull asked curiously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I hardly think that’s all you are to her.” Dorian rolled his eyes. “I thought you’d see that by now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Dorian, it’s been a couple of months and a handful of encounters. You’re far closer to her.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Indeed, and that is part of the problem. You’ve been trained to get information out of people, right?” Bull nodded and Dorian continued. “There you go. She has something that needs to be said or she’s just going to keep this in until she chokes on it. Your reputation precedes you in two things. The size of your cock and your ability to keep a secret. While I could assure her I wouldn’t tell a soul, and I wouldn’t, it’s extremely difficult telling something so intimate to someone you’re very close to. The chance of judgement and all its fall out are much higher. Believe me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You’re pretty smart for a Vint.” Bull chuckled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Mmm,” Dorian purred with a flash of brilliant white teeth. “Brains and beauty, I am truly blessed.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________\-----_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Boss?” Bull knocked on her door, waiting a moment before trying the handle. He was genuinely surprised to find it locked. She never locked the door if she was expecting him. So she either thought he wasn’t coming or she thought he was, and wanted to avoid him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Preia? Let me in.” He requested gently._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What if I don’t want to, Bull?” He looked down. Her voice was low and close, like she was sitting on the other side with her back against the door._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Then I’ll walk away.” He answered, kneeling down. He knelt on his good knee, keeping the other up to rest his hand on. He could feel the brace beneath his pants._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Can I ask you a question?” She asked after a few moments of silence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Of course.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“If the worst part of your life could ruin something bigger than yourself, would you tell the world to protect that thing?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Preia, the Inquisition will not fall because you did something in your past. It doesn’t matter what it is.” He tried to assure her. “Even if you burned down a Chantry full of orphans, Josie can make it go away.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“But everyone you’re close to would know then. People you consider your family.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“People who all have something in their past they don’t want getting out. If I’m not wrong, people who have all confessed to you their secret shames that could damage the Inquisition. However your feelings changed for them is how our feelings will change for you.” He was quiet for a moment. “I know you, Boss. You didn’t think less of them. You consoled them and praised them for their strength. To survive their stories and have the courage to bring them forward again. You gained more respect for them.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Fuck.” He heard behind the door. Something moved against the door and Bull stood up, waiting patiently. It opened and Preia leaned against the closed door. “Can you go get Dorian and Cass? They should hear this too.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You sure?” He would only ask once._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes, Bull. I’m sure.” She reassured him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The Qunari nodded. “Be right back.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________\-----_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The trio watched Preia pace slowly between them. They sat in the sitting area of her suite, next to the cold hearth. Bull occupied the better part of a short couch, Dorian and Cassandra across from him in matching leather chairs. Her head was down and she was clearly having a hard time working up the courage to speak._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Whatever it is,” Cassandra promised. “we will not think less of you.” Her accent was thicker when she was solemn. If she could get more solemn._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Just start with the first thing.” Dorian encouraged. He wasn’t reclined in his usual position. Instead he sat up straight, hands resting on his knees._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“When I was growing up, my tutors wife died. My parents let him keep his son, Jaxin, with him when he came to teach me. We grew up together. And, perhaps not surprisingly, when I was 15, we fell in love.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“All quite normal so far.” Dorian said softly. “But that’s how they all start.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“As we grew older we started to experiment, naturally. We were very careful. One of the bakers would gather lover’s lace and dry it for me so I always had ‘the tea’. Except, once, she couldn’t go, so she sent her daughter. She wasn’t as good at telling the difference between lover’s lace and the far more common lord’s beard. She mixed the two. Not enough for me to taste the difference, but enough to make all the difference.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She stopped pacing, stood at the opposite end of the couch as Bull. She laid her hand on the arm, the other rubbing her temple. “When I was 17, I became pregnant. I was terrified and thrilled all at the same time. Jaxin begged me to go away with him. You’ve all heard that story, right? Well, it ends just the same way. I was caught.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She paused for a moment, but none of her companions spoke. They simply waited for her to find the words to continue._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I was quickly sent to spend the fall and winter with my Aunt in Orlais. And by that, I mean I was locked in my room while my parents told everyone that’s where I was. And Jaxin…” She tapped her teeth with her thumbnail nervously. “I hope my parents didn’t hurt him. I do know that my parents paid his father a lot of money to take him and move away. Far away it turned out.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The couch creaked and groaned as Bull sat up. He leaned toward her, resting his elbows on his knees._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“And I stayed in my room for months. My parents hardly ever came to visit. My mother even less as I became visibly pregnant. I had two midwives, and they both told me early that they were only allowed to speak to me when they had to. They were sorry and I understand why they had to do it. My parents could ruin their livelihood.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“When my water broke I was so terrified. I had no idea what would happen. I was mostly scared because it was absolutely storming out and I didn’t know how either of the midwives would get there or how long it would take. I sent for them and asked for my mother. It was hours before anyone came. By then I was in agony. It wasn’t even anyone I had asked for. It was a young servant girl, only a few years younger than me at that point, who heard my cries and didn’t want me to be alone. Her name was Sonja.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Sonja was the only one who stayed with me through the whole thing and I didn’t even know her. Not Jaxin. Not my mother. A young girl who was in charge of changing all the candles in the castle every day.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Bull leaned over and took her hand. “Come, sit.” He urged her, tugging her hand gently. She moved around the arm of the couch and sat down. He scooted closer and drew her legs up over his lap. He rested his hand on her lower thigh and brushed his thumb back and forth soothingly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Dorian and Cassandra were still silent. Dorian looked like he might cry and Cassandra definitely wanted to hit someone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“The midwives came a few hours later. I was in labor for two and a half days. An absolute eternity.” Her voice was beginning to break. She pulled a pillow from beside her and hugged it to her chest. “I didn’t think I could do it. But I wanted to see my baby so badly.” Her grip was so tight on the pillow that her knuckles turned white. “That would make it all worth it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“And they were finally born. Maker, what a relief to hear that cry. Breathy and loud. Strong. I could see the midwife wrap them in a blanket and she cooed at the baby when she stood. I held out my arms, but she didn’t seem to notice. She just walked to the door and left. With my child. Sonja told me she would stay with them. I never saw either of them again.” She pulled in a labored gasp, covering her mouth with her hand to choke back a sob._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Bull’s large hand squeezed her thigh gently. “Take a minute.” He advised. “Take a deep breath.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She inhaled slowly, raggedly. Closing her eyes, she let it out through her nose. The three waited patiently for her to compose herself. It was a long few minutes and her companions were overwhelmed by their own thoughts during her silence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Dorian’s heart was breaking. He thought his parents were terrible. They were, but they weren’t the only ones it seemed. He wished he could take away the pain for her. That was, sadly, one spell he hadn’t figured out. He’d grown particularly close to the Inquisitor. A sister he’d always wanted. He was well familiar with carrying a great hurt. Keeping it deep down where it couldn’t overwhelm you during every moment of your life. He also knew how it helped to share that pain with another. Preia had done that for him and he was relieved that she trusted him enough to do it with him now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Cassandra was perhaps the only person in the room who wasn’t sad. She was furious. Bull and Dorian were fully focused on Preia, so they didn’t notice how tense she was in her seat. They didn’t notice her fists clenching and unclenching. She knew full well the lengths nobles would go to in order to cover up a scandal. Including removing a child from its mother. She knew that it had happened before and would happen again. It was, of course, very sad. But now, knowing someone that it had actually happened to. It changed everything._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The Inquisition had been formed to make the world better. Despite politics and feuds they wanted to seal the breach and heal the world. Was this the type of world they were fighting to save? Could anything be done to prevent such atrocities from being committed in the future? This was specifically why she rejected her heritage. Only in that world could a woman be so severely punished for falling in love._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I begged for days. First, to hold them. Then, to just see them. My mother came to visit once. To know when I would be composing myself. She wanted to celebrate my return by the beginning of the spring season. I begged her to at least tell me if I had a son or daughter. She just shook her head and said that she wouldn’t tell me, even if she did know. It wasn’t my problem. “It.” My child was reduced to an object to be discarded. That was when I realized that my mother didn’t actually love me. I was just a continuation of the family name. And now, I was damaged goods. Tainted in a way that can never be cleaned.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“A few years later my mother had another child. A son. A little brother who I adore.” She smiled slightly through her tears. “And he seems happy. My mother is affectionate and caring with him. Another chance to secure the Trevelyan line with dignity. She doesn’t let me see him much. I think she’s worried that my shame will be contagious.” She said with a humorless laugh._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Dorian rose from his seat quietly. He knelt before her and took her hand, gently prying it off the pillow. He held it tightly between his own. They both wore rings and some of them clacked together lightly. “My dear, there is no shame in what you did. The shame belongs to your parents for turning it into something hideous. You fell in love. You were young, yes, but that doesn’t make it any less real. Any less strong. Children are a natural result of love. A child at that age is not even uncommon.” He reasoned. He knew that nothing could take away her hurt, but hoped he would help her to stop blaming herself. “None of this was your fault.” He said vehemently. His muted brown eyes refused to release her gaze. He needed her to see that he meant what he said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Did you ever try looking for them?” Cassandra asked. Her voice was low and cold, the two men noticing for the first time how angry she was._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Preia looked up at her, away from Dorian. “Yeah, I found Jaxin a few years ago. His father took him to Antiva. He was married though and she was heavily pregnant so I never made contact with him. He seemed happy. That was good enough for me.” The hurt in her voice was clear. She’d struggled to move on and he didn’t seem to have a problem at all._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do you still love him?” Bull asked. It just came out and he was rather surprised by it. Surprised by how anxious he was at her answer._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes.” She said after a moment, brows furrowing. “But if I had the chance to be with him again I don’t think I would take it. There’s too much hurt there. And...it feels different now. I love him, but it feels far away.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“And the child?” Cassandra prompted._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’ve looked for years but I don’t even know if they stayed in Fereldan. I started in the Chantries near Ostwick, but nothing. It’s hard to find a child when you only know the day they were born.” Tears were still burning in her eyes. “But, I like to think that Sonja is still with them. Like she promised.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She felt Dorian squeeze her hand again, nearly at the same time as Bull squeezing her thigh. His thumb still worked back and forth over her pants and she could feel his heat against her legs. Solid comfort._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I knew it would come back. This could ruin the Inquisition. Fereldan nobles clearly haven’t forgotten and we derive so much support from them.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Darling, old, sour, bitter Fereldan nobles have not forgotten. The young ones, like Tamline, are a different generation. Judging by the way that she looked at her son, if she heard this story she would show nothing but support for you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I can promise you that no one in the Inquisition would think less of your if this got out. I think the best course of action is to wait and see if this even becomes and issue.” Cassandra said. “Unless you want to tell them.” She amended._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Preia laughed, again without humor. “Absolutely not. It was hard enough telling you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It may never come up.” Bull pointed out. “It hadn’t until now. I wouldn’t put to much thought on that sour old bag. She doesn’t seem to have much influence.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“And if it does,” Dorian said, squeezing her hand again. “We’ll be there with you. I think I speak for all of us,” He glanced at Bull and Cassandra. “when I say that we admire your strength to tell us and we certainly don’t think less of you. And, because I have been here before, I can tell you we do not pity you either.” He knew that pity could be even worse than disapproval. “You are strong and amazing, despite this thing that might have broken other people.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Indeed,” Cassandra agreed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Maker, 15 years I’ve lived with this.” She let out a relieved sigh. She pulled her hand from Dorian’s and shifted her legs off the couch to stand. Tears were streaming down her face now and she was shaking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Cassandra stood and walked over to Preia, enveloping her in her arms. Preia’s arms wrapped around the Seeker and she buried her face against her friend’s shoulder. It seemed to be all Preia could take. Great, wracking sobs spilled forth. Cassandra’s arms tightened around her when Preia’s knees gave way. She lowered them to the floor carefully, kneeling with the Inquisitor while she mourned._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Bull guessed this was the first time she’d grieved since it happened. He’d gotten to know her well and he guessed she’d buried this deep. She was practical. She couldn’t have accomplished all that she did without bottling this up. Now he understood her jaded and pessimistic behavior. She’d gained that young. Too young._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He could hear Cassandra murmuring words of comfort. He couldn’t hear what she said specifically, but the rounded consonants were distinct with her lilting accent._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Dorian and Bull looked on, concern clear. Dorian rose and sat beside Bull heavily. He was unusually solemn. His eyes were sad and his shoulders sagged. Bull even fancied that his mustache had wilted a little._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What now?” The mage asked him. “How do we fix this?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We don’t.” Bull sighed. “We can’t.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I don’t much care for that answer.” He grumbled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Neither do I.” Bull answered. “But we’re here. That will have to be enough.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Dorian was quiet for a few moments before something else started to nag at him. “What if it does get out?” They both knew it was a lot more likely than Dorian had let on and it did have the possibility of severely impacting the Inquisitions position._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Then we deal with it.” Bull said simply. “We have the resources and the clout to deal with this sort of thing. It doesn’t change our mission. That’s more important than one person’s past, even if they are the Inquisitor.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Dorian nodded, looking back at the two women. Preia was quiet now, her face still hidden against Cassandra’s shoulder. When she finally raised her head, she was flushed. Her cheeks were raw from her tears. Cassandra stood with her, hands still gripping Preia’s arms. Preia nodded and Cassandra stepped back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Thank you.” Preia said simply. Her voice was small. Not at all like herself. “Your support means everything to me. I don’t know what I’d do if I alienated you three.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“There is absolutely no chance of that happening.” Dorian admonished. “Put it out of your pretty head. We’re always here for you. Demons or dastardly old dowagers.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She managed to smile slightly. “I’d like to sleep for a while. Can one of you come and get me before dinner?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Of course.” Cassandra said quickly. “While you rest, I’m going to go hit something.” She growled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do send for us if you need us.” Dorian insisted, opening the door for the Seeker who stalked out on long legs with her usual determined purpose._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The door closed behind the mage, leaving her alone with Bull._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You okay, Boss?” He asked, rising from the couch._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Preia sat heavily on the bed. “No.” She answered honestly. “But I will be. I always figured it would come up one way or another. I still wasn’t as prepared for it as I thought.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do you wanna be alone?” Bull asked gently._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She looked up at him, clearly unsure._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“That’s a no.” He chuckled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Maybe, just until I fall asleep?” She asked softly, voice small and unsure._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Of course.” He sat on the side of the bed as she laid down. She closed her eyes and felt Bull’s heavy hand rest on her hip. Even when she’d fallen asleep he stayed. He had a lot to think about. It was rare for him to be taken off guard._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Something fundamental in their relationship had changed. How could it not? She’d bared her soul to him. That was a trust that he didn’t take lightly. Previously, he’d been able to keep his professional feelings for her, which were strong, away from his sexual and personal feelings, which were quite casual._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Now, he found them spilling together. If he’d known this before, he would have been different with her. But then, that was probably what she’d worried about. He was good at reading people, giving them what they needed. But he’d missed this. It changed her needs drastically. He wasn’t good with emotions of this magnitude._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He would have a choice to make. Personal, or professional._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He could cut off their sexual relationship. They would just be Boss and Bull again. Close friends, but professional. Friends only. Or, he could continue. Past sexual relationships proved that they could only be casual for so long. But Preia had managed to keep it just that. Would she want more or had she had enough of love for a lifetime?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The question that startled him was; did he want more? There was a new respect for this woman. She’d lost everything once and was sacrificing her very life now. For a man who had moved on and a child she didn’t even know. For people all over Thedas she didn’t even know. She did it without question or complaint. She was strong, unbelievably so, and damn that was hot._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Maybe he was simply attached to her for physical reasons. She was phenomenal in bed. He took his pleasure where he could while it lasted. For now, that was with her. If there was any chance that it was purely physical attraction, maybe it was better for her that he cut it off now. Before she developed feelings for him. Feelings were dangerous in war. People got hurt. Died._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He huffed out a sigh and stood. He certainly didn’t want her to know that something had changed but he didn’t see any way of avoiding it with either decision he made. He knew that if he commited, it didn’t mean that he would fall in love with her but he would have to be prepared for it. Or her falling in love with him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Fuck.” He growled, heading to the door. Cassandra wanted to hit something and he wanted to be hit by something. He closed the door quietly behind him and went to find the Seeker._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	2. Through the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of her confession, Preia seeks comfort that only Bull can give her. This was a little more than he'd bargained for but he find he can't deny her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty sappy and soft. The next Bull fic I write will be back to good, old, naughty Bull smut. Thanks so much for taking the time to come back and read the second chapter!

Preia surprised them all at dinner. She was completely composed. Every inch the noblewoman and Inquisitor she was. She radiated confidence in her role and her confession hadn’t changed that. 

Tamline took them to her husband’s office after they’d finished eating. She was as well versed in the running of the estate as she’d said. She knew exactly how many troops they had, where they were and how soon they could arrive at Skyhold. She knew what food and medicine supplies they could safely spare. 

Her husband returned sometime after the sun fully disappeared under the horizon. Tamline beamed when he walked into the room. It was achingly sweet the way that his first order of business was to kiss his wife and son. Only then did he introduce himself to the Inquisitor and her companions. 

“It is an honor to meet you, Herald.” 

“She prefers Preia, dear.” Tamline cut in, handing him their son. 

“Of course, Preia.” He corrected. “How are the discussions going?” 

“Wonderful.” Preia smiled. “Your wife is quite the strategist when it comes to military matters. My Commander would enjoy picking her brain.” 

“Indeed, she is something else.” He agreed. “Is everything settled then?” He had complete confidence in his wife. It was telling to Preia. She’d placed her confidence in the right person. If a lord didn’t feel the need to double check the exchanges of a political alliance then clearly she was someone who could be trusted. 

“Quite. We look forward to working with the Baylin family in the future.” Cassandra said evenly, her political face on. 

“We’ll do everything we can to help.” Deacon assured them. 

“Perhaps we could put an Inquisition camp on your land? We don’t have a foot hold in this area and it would make it easier for us to exchange goods.” 

“Absolutely. I know the perfect place and it isn’t too far from here. The moon is bright tonight if you’d like to see it.” 

“I will go.” Cassandra spoke up. 

“It will only take a couple of hours. If you don’t mind my leaving again?” He asked Tamline. 

“No.” She smiled. “I have to put the little lord to bed and ensure that everything is satisfactory in our guests’ rooms.” 

He returned the baby to his wife and hugged her close, kissing the top of her head. “I love you.” He said very quietly, obviously trying to have as private a moment with his wife as possible. 

“We love you too.” She smiled. “Be safe.” 

Bull glanced at Preia out of the side of his eye. If this touching exchange was bothering her, she didn’t show it.

“Well,” Dorian started, rising from his seat once they’d left. “I am, for one, completely exhausted. If there’s nothing else, I shall retire to my room.” He looked around, brows raised and waiting for any opposition. “Good. Goodnight, my lady.” He bowed to Tamline, a picture of grace as he took her hand and lightly kissed the back of her fingers. “And to the little master.” He cooed at the child. 

“Bull.” He said as he walked by. He quickly reached out to squeeze Preia’s hand. “You know where to find me.” He said softly before taking his leave. 

“If you need anything at all during the night, please don’t hesitate to ask.” Tamline told them, her tone clear that she wasn’t just saying it because it was expected of her.

“Of course, thank you.” Preia said, genuinely thankful. 

Bull escorted her back to her room. She hesitated when her hand settled on the handle. “Bull? Can I ask something of you that I have no right to?” 

“Of course.” His tone suggesting she didn’t have to ask. 

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Her voice was quiet, timid. “You really don’t have to say yes. I can ask Dorian to stay with me.” 

This was the moment he’d worried about when she’d fallen asleep. This answer would define their relationship from now forward. They had never spent the entire night together, at least with either of them sleeping. If she was completely honest with herself, she’d never _needed _him to. She’d never needed anyone to stay with her. Not for a long time.__

__When he didn’t answer immediately, her blue-grey eyes sought out his. She turned the door handle, holding up her other hand. “Bull, it’s okay. Have a good night.”_ _

__His hand shot out, closing the door again before it could open more than a couple of inches. “This really what you want?”_ _

__She looked up at him again. He could see in her eyes that she didn’t know the answer. “I know what I need. To feel cherished and safe. Like someone loves me. Despite my mistakes. You don’t have to mean it, but I know you can do that.”_ _

__He thought he understood what she was asking. “You need me to be Jaxin.”_ _

__Immediately he knew he’d made a mistake. The hurt burned in her eyes. “I don’t need anyone to replace him. No one can. Bull, when I’m with you, I’m with you only. I don’t think of anyone else or imagine it’s someone else touching me. Look, I’m sorry I asked. This thing is casual. You didn’t sign up for this and I completely understand. I have no right asking you to change the parameters of our relationship. Especially this. This is deep shit and I know it. I know what I’m asking and I know it isn’t fair to you. Probably not to me either.”_ _

__She pushed his hand away and opened the door, quickly slipping through it. She’d made a huge error, asking that of him. She just wanted to disappear. Tomorrow they could pretend that nothing happened and maybe go back to the way they were. Chalk it up to emotional stress._ _

__She was about to close the door when she heard her name. There was something about his tone. A deep rumble that came from somewhere in his massive chest. “If I haven’t made you feel cherished, or at least safe, before this, then I fucked up and I’m sorry. I pride myself on reading people. Back home, I’m one of the best there is. I missed a big part of you, Preia.” He acknowledged. “I fucked up worse suggesting that you needed Jaxin. That wasn’t right of me. Truth is, I don’t know what you need right now. And that’s a first for me.”_ _

__She looked up at him again, waiting. Though he still hadn’t given her an answer one way or the other, she was hopeful._ _

__“I don’t know if I can give you everything you need. I’m not the sweet, romantic type.” He admitted. He didn’t want to give her unrealistic expectations._ _

__“You once said you’d like to spend a few hours worshipping my body. Does my story change any of that?”_ _

__“No.” He said quickly, not having to think about it._ _

__“That’s what I need, Bull. I’ve spent half my life seeking the approval of people who could never love me. The other half trying to find someone who could get past the burning debris that is my love life. Look, I know you don’t love me, but you’ve come the closest to making me feel like it. When I’m with you, I feel beautiful.”_ _

__She sighed and shook her head. “I’m feeling a lot right now. I just want to forget it. For a little while. Don’t get me wrong, I love our fuck sessions. I wasn’t faking any of that. But, I need something different tonight. I don’t just want something physical, I need something emotional. I’ll never ask this of you again.” She promised._ _

__“You left your comfort zone when we did that thing with the-”_ _

__“Maker, Bull! Someone could be listening!” She hissed, peeking her head out to look down both ends of the hallway._ _

__He chuckled. “My point is, I’m willing to do this for you.”_ _

__“Are you sure? I need you to be sure.” She desperately needed him to be sure._ _

__“Do you know what Kadan means?” Bull asked, his eye watching her intently for any sign that her answer would be less than truthful._ _

__“No.” Truth._ _

__“Good.” He growled, stepping forward to cup her cheek in his massive palm. He leaned down to kiss her. Unfortunately, there was a miscalculation on his part. She was just far enough inside the door that his left horn hit it’s still closed mate, jarring his head to the side._ _

__Preia snorted with laughter, immediately covering her mouth to silence herself._ _

__Bull grinned wide, pushing open the door. She had to step back to make way for his massive form. He closed the door behind him quietly and pulled her into his arms and against him._ _

__“That’s what I like to see. That beautiful smile. That real smile you keep just for your family. Your real family.” He cupped her cheek again, leaning down to kiss her gently. She was hesitant to return it at first. She didn’t want to fall too far down the rabbit hole tonight._ _

__His left hand slid down her side to rest in the curve of her waist. His two shortened fingers didn’t quite feel the nuances of her rough leather armor the way the other two did but he didn’t need them to know he wanted to remind himself how soft her skin was._ _

__He kept away from lewdly gripping her ass or chest like he normally might. While it did clearly show his appreciation for her body, that wasn’t the way to go about it tonight. He kept his touch light. While this wasn’t the first time he’d been delicate and caring in this manner, it wasn’t what he was used to. Despite that, he realized that it was exactly what he wanted to give her and he desperately didn’t want to mess up._ _

__His fingers ran through the short curls that fell to her chin as he pulled away from her lips. In the darkness he couldn’t see the deep reddish hues that shone out from the brown in the sun. The moonlight dulled the blue out of her eyes, leaving them a silvery grey like the moon itself._ _

__“You are beautiful.” He rumbled, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “And I truly mean that, Preia. Shall I show you how beautiful you are, kadan?” She swallowed and nodded. “Don’t be nervous. You’re perfect.”_ _

__He rubbed her hair between his fingers gently. He leaned close and brought it to his nose. After a deep breath, he nuzzled her neck. She felt the exhale against her skin and shivered. “Most women smell like flowers.” He rumbled. “You smell like-” He paused. “Nevermind.”_ _

__“No,” She leaned back away from him to look into his eye. “What do I smell like?”_ _

__“You smell like dirt that’s been warmed by the sun.” He told her, watching her reaction. She didn’t seem upset._ _

__“Dirt?”_ _

__“Yeah, warmed by the sun. Totally different. Not like mud or anything. More like when you sit under a tree on a hot day and you can smell the dirt around the roots. Like strength. That dirt, warmed by the sun, grew the mightiest of trees. This is terrible.” He ended with a chuckle. “I don’t know where I was going with that.”_ _

__“I think it’s sweet.”_ _

__“Really?” He asked, narrowing his eye at her suspiciously. “‘Cause that was painfully unromantic.”_ _

__She laughed softly, taking the hand that rested against her side and moved it around to her lower back. She pressed herself against him. “You’re romantic in your own way. It’s just rougher than everyone else's. If anyone else said I smelled like dirt I’d punch them in the throat. But you like it. Think it’s sexy. That makes me feel good.” She admitted._ _

__“I just mean that you aren’t like other women. You aren’t flowery or delicate. You’re strong. You go after what you want. Like you did that night you first came to me. And you told me what you wanted tonight. That takes guts.”_ _

__“So, what else do you like about me?” She asked with a sneaky smile._ _

__“Kadan, we won’t have enough time to list it all. I’ll try to stick with the more romantic stuff tonight though.” His smile faded, but the look in his eye was hungry. It actually took her breath away. He wasn’t suffering through this. It may be outside his skill set but he clearly wasn’t suffering._ _

__“You okay?” He asked softly, noticing her intake of breath. He squeezed her against him before releasing her. She followed him back to the plush couch and he drew her onto his lap. She straddled his hips. Raised up as she was, she was nearly eye level with him. He cupped the back of her head and drew her closer, kissing the eyebrow over her left eye. There was a scar that bisected her eyebrow, a clear line running through it. It was a short scar that dropped off her brow bone and only went an inch or so toward her forehead._ _

__“This one is my favorite.” He murmured against her skin._ _

__“Eyebrow?” She asked, amused._ _

__“Scar.” He corrected. His tongue ran along it then he lowered his head to capture her mouth. “How did you get it?” He asked as he lay back against the couch, adding space between them. He used it to start removing her light armor. She traced the scar with a finger, then watched his hands as he worked the buckles and straps. She loved his hands. So much could be learned about Bull just by looking at his hands._ _

__“Bar fight. In Nevarra. Earlier in the day some guy had challenged me to a riding competition.”_ _

__Bull sucked in a breath between his teeth and shook his head. “Idiot.” Preia was well known for being an excellent rider. Her horse, a massive Anderfel Courser, had a special bond with her. She’d told Bull that she’d gotten him shortly after she’d left home and he’d been her constant companion as she’d traveled the world. Bull now knew that their bond must be deeper than he’d thought. He’d been the only one with her when she was still healing from her loss. When he was still quite young she’d spent some time with the Avaar and as a result his training was impeccable. When she was riding they were one unit._ _

__“Well he didn’t like losing very much. Him and one of his stupid friends came into the bar at the inn I was staying at and distracted me while his friends tried to steal Fury. He put up a fight though. Once I knew what was going on I put up a fight myself. One of them got their hand in my hair and bashed my head against the edge of a table.”_ _

__“Fuck, you’re amazing.” He wondered. She looked up from his hands when they’d stilled part way through her story. He was watching her with rapt attention._ _

__“I wouldn’t go that far. You don’t even know if I won the fight.” She laughed, tapping the back of one of his hands to remind him of what he had been doing._ _

__“Oh, I know you won the fight.” He said with conviction. He returned to his task until she was down to her undershirt. The cotton was wrinkled from being pressed between her skin and tight armor._ _

__She reached for the hem and started to draw it up but Bull stopped her. “I want to savor this.” He whispered. “I want to savor you.” He slipped his hands under the hem and explored her stomach and sides. The rough pads of his fingers tickled her skin, making her shiver. He worked his way up, the hem of her shirt bunching against his wrists. His hands moved up the side of her rib cage, avoiding her breasts for the most part. His thumbs grazed the sides ever so lightly, making her shiver._ _

__Preia raised her arms for him and he pulled the shirt off slowly. When the fabric cleared her face, she could see him watching her with the most painfully appreciative look. He descended on her, placing light kisses on her shoulder and along her collar bone. She reached up with one hand to grasp one of his horns and he let out a low rumble of pleasure. She had other scars on her body and he planned to lavish attention on all of them._ _

__There was one concerning scar that puckered at her shoulder, just above her left breast. He didn’t know the story of that one. He would ask another time, they’d talked enough already._ _

__He’d been so involved in his task that he didn’t notice she’d unlaced her breast band until she pulled it away completely and dropped it on the floor. Another deep rumble emanated from him, so deep she almost felt it in her rib cage. One hand cupped her breast, drawing it up so that he could capture the soft pink nipple. She bit her lip and let out a short, punctuated groan._ _

__“Let me hear you. You make such beautiful sounds.” He gave her nipple a love bite and she gasped. “Mmm, like that.” He chuckled. While he lavished attention on her breast, his other hand wandered her back. His two complete fingers ran up and down her spine, his touch feather light. It made her arch her back, the touch ticklish._ _

__Bull’s hand moved down to the curve of her ass and pulled her against him slowly so that her hips wedged against his. She could feel how incredibly hard he was, straining against his pants. “That’s all because of you.” He said, releasing her breast to look at her. “You’re so beautiful just the thought of getting to touch you makes me this way.”_ _

__She shifted her hips against him as her fingers worked at his harness. She slipped it off and set it aside on the couch. She shifted back to sit on his thighs, allowing her to dip her head to his shoulder. Her mouth teased the tattoos that covered his skin while her hands roamed his chest, now bare to her. He sat back lazily against the couch, enjoying her touch._ _

__When she raised her head, she was greeted by a rare sight. Bull had his eye closed. It was almost never closed when they were having sex. He was always watching her for signs of discomfort or simply enjoying the faces she made when he was pleasuring her. But this wasn’t a usual encounter either._ _

__He opened his eye to look at her when she slid off his lap. His fingers lingered on her skin until she moved out of his reach. She untied her pants and shimmied out of them, perhaps moving her hips a little more than was needed simply to give him a show._ _

__“I can’t believe you want me.” He breathed, eyes roaming her body. It wasn’t lewd the way he took her in. It made her cheeks flush and she glanced down at herself, trying to see what he did. She was covered in scars. Her breasts, she thought, just a little too big. She tried to push that thought away. That was her mother’s doing. Never perfect enough. They were perfect in Bull’s hands though._ _

__If one looked closely enough they could see the rough lines of paler skin that marked her stomach and thighs. He would know where they came from now. But, when she looked back up at him she could see that he didn’t look at her body the same way she did. He saw perfection. Strong legs from walking and riding, trim figure from constant training. She was a little self conscious of her arms. Her proficiency as an archer had made one arm slightly larger than the other simply because it was doing more work in drawing the bow. She was sure no one but her noticed it, but there was always that part of her brain that made her self-conscious of it._ _

__She crooked a finger at him and he stood up. He was oblivious to the self-deprecating thoughts running through her head. She moved closer to him, looking down between them as she worked to remove the rest of his clothing. She hummed in appreciation when his cock was freed, immediately wrapping her hand around it. He pulled it away gently and leaned down to remove the brace wrapped around his leg. Setting it aside, he took her hand, kissed the back lightly and then wrapped her fingers around his cock again._ _

__His fingers crooked under her chin, drawing her head up so that he could descend onto her lips. His tongue traced them and she opened for him, immediately deepening the kiss. He groaned into her mouth when she started to pump her hand slowly. Oh, how she wanted this. She understood now why he got so much pleasure from her reactions._ _

__Affirmation that it was what he wanted. That she had the power over him to manipulate his body. Trusted her with his pleasure. He normally took over their sessions, demanding her pleasure in a way that was freeing. But tonight, they were equals._ _

__He very suddenly pulled away from the kiss and scooped her up into his arms. She adjusted so that she could kiss his neck, suckling softly. She stopped before she left a mark and he rumbled in pleasure._ _

__“Don’t stop. Mark me.” He urged her. They had laid out the groundwork. He wasn’t allowed to leave a mark where anyone could see. They’d never agreed on the same rule for him, she realized. “I want people to see.”_ _

__She continued until there was a purple mark against his grey skin. She pulled back to admire her work before moving to tease his ear._ _

__He laid her on the bed gently and she scooted back against the pillows. He crawled onto the bed, moving his body over hers. He lowered himself onto his elbow so that he could capture her mouth again. His other hand trailed down her side, over her hip and gently teased lower. Not quite close enough though._ _

__“May I?” He asked against her lips. She murmured in the affirmative and moved her leg up to wrap around his hips. His hand descended lower, one finger sliding between her lips. It moved up and down, teasing her clit ever so lightly, making her raise her hips against him._ _

__“You’re so wet. So incredibly hot.” He rumbled, tilting his head to kiss her neck. She arched her back, pressing her breasts against his hard chest._ _

__“That’s because I want you.” She said, her voice breathy and soft. His hips moved against her, hard cock brushing against her thigh, seeking any kind of friction._ _

__“I love it when you tell me that, kadan. I want you too.” He growled, slowly pushing a finger into her. She let out a humming sigh and pushed against his hand._ _

__“I don’t want to wait anymore.” She said breathlessly, capturing his gaze._ _

__“Are you sure?”_ _

__She laughed softly, tightening around his finger. “Do you not think I’m wet enough to handle you?”_ _

__He let out a rumbling chuckle. A second finger slid in to join the first. She hummed again in appreciation. “No, you seem plenty wet to me.” Her body was slowly getting used to his size. Every encounter was a little less uncomfortable. She hadn’t mentioned it to him, but that initial discomfort had become a welcome part of their routine. It always promised better things to come._ _

__She shifted her other leg out from underneath him as he settled between her thighs. She reached between them, guiding his length to her tight entrance. Her mouth opened as he slid into her slowly._ _

__“You still with me?” He asked, watching her reaction. She didn’t respond in words, instead hiking her legs up around him and pulling him further inside of her. He groaned as he seated himself fully inside of her. “Do you know how special you are?” He asked her. He hadn’t pulled back out, simply enjoying her tightness around him. “How few people can take all of me? Like you were made for me.”_ _

__She couldn’t agree more. She’d never felt so full before she’d met him. It really was like she was made for him. There was a spot deep inside that made her whole body light up with pleasure and only he had ever hit it before. Taught her it was there. Relished in teasing her with it._ _

__Slowly, he pulled out, watching her face as he sank back in. She let out a low moan that lasted the length of the stroke. Preia gripped his upper arms, looking for purchase. Her blunt nails dug into his skin._ _

__With lazy strokes he began to move inside of her, watching the pleasure dance across her face, feeling it work through her body in little shivers and twitches. The way she clenched around him._ _

__“Give me your hand.” Not a command, a request. She released his arm and he threaded his fingers through hers. He raised their hands above her head allowing him to lean down to kiss her. Slowly, he continued to pump inside of her. “You are ecstasy in human form.” He growled against her lips. His kiss was fire, demanding of her the same that he gave._ _

__And she reciprocated. Her hand squeezed his as she raised her legs higher, feet finding purchase on the curve of his ass. It changed the way he drove into her and she moaned against his lips._ _

__Bull pulled back to watch her again. Her eyes met his and all at once he made a decision. He hilted himself inside of her, grinding his hips against hers just to hear her keen underneath him. He released her hand to raise himself up and onto his knees, still buried inside of her. She watched him with curiosity, her body twitching around his cock in anticipation of his next movement._ _

__Her mind raced with the possibilities of what he could do to her. What he did, she couldn’t have anticipated._ _

__“You’ve given me all of you, I think it’s time I did the same.” He rumbled, reaching up to untie his eye patch. “Unless you’d rather I not.” He hesitated, hand stilling._ _

__“Only if you’re comfortable with it.” She said gently, letting him make the decision._ _

__Slowly, it came off. Bull wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Apprehension perhaps? Would she feel differently? Disgust even?_ _

__Preia only smiled. The deep scars and milky dead eye didn’t seem to phase her at all. They both had imperfections and neither of them cared. His hands moved to her side, fingers nearly spanning the entirety of her torso. Slowly, he began to push into her again, picking up his pace without losing the sanctity of the moment._ _

__Bull’s hands slid down her side and then down the outside of her thighs. His hands hooked behind her knees and drew her legs up. The left he guided up so that her calf rested against his shoulder. The other he bent and drew against him, her knee resting against his chest, foot tucked under her other knee. He gripped her thigh tightly and leaned forward slightly, opening her to him further._ _

__When she closed her eyes and groaned his name he had a physical reaction. A shudder that started at the base of his spine and shot up. She must have felt it, her eyes shooting open to find his._ _

__“Bull, I-” She moaned, her breathing coming in deep pants. “I-” She couldn’t finish her thought when he buried himself deep. His free hand gripped her hip to keep from pushing her up the bed. She reached up and braced her palm against the headboard._ _

__“Tell me what you want, Preia.” He urged. “Tell me what you want and I’ll do it for you.”_ _

__“I want you to cum with me.” She gasped, eyes bright with desire. “I’m so close. Cum with me.”_ _

__His hand moved to rest on her pelvis, fingers splayed wide. His thumb pushed into her folds, teasing her clit, making her entire body jump._ _

__“Give me your hand, I want you to feel something. I want you to feel how tight you are around me.” She loved his voice when they were like this. The growl was primal, animalistic._ _

__She brought her hand to his and he stilled for a moment. He moved her hand so that her fingers parted around him. Keeping them close to her body, he pulled out slowly._ _

__“Do you feel how you grip me? How your body doesn’t want to let me go?” She could feel the way her cunt pulled tight around his cock. She felt the veins on his heavy length against her fingers when he slid back in. Again, her skin puckered around him when he drew out._ _

__She groaned, sliding her fingers around where they were joined, marveling in the feel of them together. Her fingers drew up to her clit, teasing gently._ _

__They moaned in unison at her body’s reaction. “And you only get tighter when you do that.”_ _

__“Do you want to feel me cum inside you?” It wasn’t so much spoken to insite her pleasure, but a genuine question. It had never really been an issue before. She was taking precautions but knowing her story now it seemed different._ _

__“Maker, yes!” She gasped, her fingers working in tighter circles around her clit. “I want you to feel what I do.” He had suspected before, but the way that she looked at him in the height of pleasure confirmed it. He didn’t love this woman, yet, but he was in dire danger of that happening. She truly gave just as much as she got in all aspects of their relationship._ _

__“Bull, I can’t-I can’t hold it.” She keened. He could tell she was trying to keep his gaze._ _

__“Don’t hold it. Cum for me, kadan.” He growled, each stroke long and slow. Just as he would nearly bury inside of her he would thrust a little harder, hitting that spot that made her gasp._ _

__She couldn’t stop it now, her body tensing for a moment before she found her release. Her eyes slammed closed and her head fell back as she cried out his name. During her orgasm, her hot cunt would spasm around him, clenching and releasing. But that first dive off the cliff had her always clenching for a little longer. That was when he couldn’t hold back._ _

__With a primal roar he came as well. Pumping inside of her to prolong both their pleasure, despite the quickly growing intensity. He couldn’t help but close his eyes as well. Some part of him was always held back. He couldn’t afford to lose control completely, his training wouldn’t allow it. But this, scarily enough, was nearly a complete lack of control._ _

__The way that he buried inside of her, drew out his pleasure. When he opened his eyes, his single gaze roamed her body. Watched the way her chest heaved with her panting breaths, the way her lower stomach clenched as she worked her hips slowly, grinding against him as aftershocks burst through her._ _

__“Kadan.” He said softly, his hand running lightly up and down the thigh that he’d gripped so tightly. She opened her eyes, looking dazed._ _

__“What does that mean?” She asked between short, rapid breaths._ _

__“It’s a pet name.” The lie came easily, as they always do, but a twinge of guilt that followed was unusual. It wasn’t even a full lie, simply a partial omission. Why was he so hesitant to tell her what it really meant?_ _

__She smiled up at him, making his chest tighten. “Like darling, or sweetheart?” He nodded and her eyes brightened. “I like it. I didn’t know that Qunari had endearments like that. It has a nice ring to it.” She mused._ _

__He helped her unfold her legs, his softening cock slipping out of her. “Wait here.” He said gruffly. She didn’t seem to notice the rough tone, basking in the afterglow of their session. He cleaned himself, then her. He was gentle, aware of how sensitive she would be. He righted the bunched up covers and pulled them over her._ _

__Moving to the other side of the bed, Bull lifted the covers. “Do you still want me to stay?” He asked, watching her in the dark. The moonlight from the window shown over her face. A mix of emotions swirled in her eyes and she nodded._ _

__“If you don’t mind.” She said quietly. She was offering him an out. His response was to climb into bed beside her._ _

__“Come ’er.” He rumbled, opening his arm to her. She tucked herself up against him, resting her head on his chest. Preia draped one leg over his possessively. She fell asleep quickly, exhausted from the days events. It was draining having to dredge up such heavy emotions._ _

__He lay awake for a while, staring up at the ceiling. He could feel her even breathing against his side. His hand wandered her back in slow motions, simply to feel her soft skin. It was a long while before sleep finally claimed him._ _

__\-----_ _

__Preia was finishing the last straps and buckles on her armor when someone knocked on the door. She walked distractedly to the door, opening it once she’d finished. She opened it just wide enough to show herself, keeping the rest of the room blocked as Bull was still sitting on the bed, adjusting his harness._ _

__Tamline smiled in greeting. “Good morning, Preia. I trust you slept well?”_ _

__Preia nodded and smiled back. “Very well, thank you again for your hospitality. It is very much appreciated.”_ _

__“Of course! We’re happy to have you. I’m sorry to bother you so early but breakfast is ready and your friend Bull isn’t answering his door. I’m a little worried.” She admitted._ _

__Preia rubbed the back of her neck and bit her lip. She opened the door a little wider, revealing Bull on the bed. He grinned and waved._ _

__“Oh.” Tamline said in surprise. Then again, “Oh!” as the realization came to her. Then her face softened and another “Oh.” slipped out. One of fancy when she saw the blush on Preia’s face._ _

__“I hope this doesn’t change anything.” Preia asked softly. “With your willingness to help the Inquisition.”_ _

__“Not a thing.” Tamline said with a smile, speaking low and leaning a little closer. “Does he make you happy?”_ _

__Preia glanced back at Bull who was now making the bed. She turned back to Tamline and nodded. “Yeah, he does.”_ _

__“Isn’t it great?” She asked, her face scrunched up in a wide smile. “Nobility don’t usually get the chance to find love. I got lucky, very lucky. So did you. Don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t be happy. You’re sacrificing a lot and you deserve a little good in your life. People will talk, even openly disapprove. Don’t let that bother you. Okay?”_ _

__Tamline’s words sunk deep. People would disapprove if they knew. Her parents for one. She was completely devoted to the Inquisition and should consider it before her own feelings. But the woman was also right in that she’d sacrificed a lot for it already. Didn’t she deserve this, wherever it was going?_ _

__As if Tamline could sense her inner turmoil, she straightened again, still smiling. “Anyway, breakfast is ready. Your other companions are already partaking. Come to the main hall whenever you’re ready.”_ _

__Preia nodded in thanks and closed the door softly. She turned and gasped, grasping her chest in surprise when she found Bull’s looming hulk right behind her. He chuckled and drew the back of two fingers down her cheek._ _

__“Sorry, kadan.”_ _

__“It’s embarrassing how easily you’re able to sneak up on me.”_ _

__“Preia, are you embarrassed about us being together?” He asked, startling her with his candidness._ _

__“Personally, no. Of course not Bull. I think all of Skyhold knows we’re fucking now anyway. But other people, outside of the Inquisition. Embarrassed isn’t the right word. Cautious. My parents would be furious if I destroyed the Trevelyan name yet again. And, we have to think of the credibility and public opinion of the Inquisition itself.” The more she went on, the faster she was talking. Getting overwhelmed by the possible repercussions. “I mean, honestly, wouldn’t it be only natural to assume that the Qunari spy is only getting into the Herald’s pants to gain a little power?”_ _

__“You know that’s not what I’m doing, right?” She nodded quickly so he continued. “Besides, the Trevelyan name is your name as well. It doesn’t belong to your parents. You’re doing a lot of really amazing things all across Thedas. Things that don’t exactly align with the agenda of the Qun. Have a talk with Josie when we get back. She can keep things under wraps for as long as possible and if it does get out, she’ll be able to minimize the damage.”_ _

__Preia nodded distractedly, looking down with a sigh. He misjudged her reaction._ _

__“Or, we can just call this off? This whole thing isn’t supposed to make you uncomfortable or make your job harder.” He offered. Her eyes snapped up to his._ _

__“It doesn’t, Bull.” She assured him with a smile. “If this made me uncomfortable or I wanted it to end, I would say so. I hope you would do the same.”_ _

__“So far, so good.” He chuckled, reaching around her to open the door. “Let’s get some breakfast and then get back on the road. Still have a lot we have to do before we head home.”_ _

__They both knew they should talk about what ‘it’ was between them. It just wasn’t the right time yet. Too much had happened in the last few days. Once they were back in Skyhold, he told himself. If their relationship required re-definition it was better done sooner, rather than later._ _

__It all melted away when she stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. More like his jaw line, she wasn’t quite tall enough. He watched her walk down the hall, the way her hips swayed and gave an appreciative ‘mmm, mmm, mmm.”_ _

__The smile she threw over her shoulder at him made his chest tingle. “Eye up, Bull. I swear, I can’t take you anywhere.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work. I would also appreciate any extra time you give for a comment. If you have any prompts or ideas for these two feel free to leave them in the comments!
> 
> Caio!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. I also take prompts if you're so inclined.


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